What if Lando was in Ep. 7?

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OK so its been a month now since Star Wars: The Force Awakens was in theaters here in the US. Everyone by now has given their two-cents about what they thought of the film and some rumors for the next films.

One thing that really bothered me though was how the film had characters that served no purpose. Captain Phasma is one of the biggest ones, but her character can grow as the films go on. Max Von Sydow’s character Lor San Tekka however was a huge wast of a actor and actor. SPOILER: He dies about 5 minutes into film. With the lines given to him it make it sound like he had some important backstory to the Leia and the Rebellion. Also Kylo addresses him as like him and Tekka had a past. They may bring this up in the comics, but if you never read them, his character served no purpose!

This is why I think they should have replaced his character with, Lando Calrissian.

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Go with me…

You can take some of the same dialogue, and it would make sense.

“This will begin to make things right”, this could mean that Lando is still trying to make up for the events during Cloud City.

Lando would also know about the Jedi and the Dark Side so the dialogue about that would work as well.

“General? To me she’s Royalty.” That line is MADE for Lando’s silk Colt 45 voice!

The most important lines are when Kylo looks at Tekka and says, “Look how old you’ve become.” That would make sense with Lando, since Kylo is Han’s son and he would know Lando from childhood. Also the line, “I know where you come from. Before you called yourself “Kylo Ren”, is more relevant with Lando. That and the line about his family.

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Now we get to the part where the film could have given us our first gut-punch!

When Kylo strikes down Tekka killing him really does nothing to the story, and since we’ve never seen this character before gives us no emotional connection.

Now think if that character was replaced with Lando. BOOM!

Killing Lando in the beginning would show us the audience and fans that this film is not playing around. Also, when else can you put Billy Dee in the series really? Kylo would have not only killed his dad, but his “uncle” as well.

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Unfortunately we will never see this happen, but a fanboy can dream!

 

 

Spaceballs II: The Schwartz Rises

So Mel Brooks said that if he were to make another Spaceballs film, he would release it when SW EP.8 opens so that way he could get some of that SW CASH!

Now this is most likely will never happen, but if it did this is how I would write it.

We cut to 30 years since the original films story line. Planet Spaceball has been liberated from the evil spaceball empire. President Skroob as begun to rebuild with his new right handed man Lord Silver Helmet. Lonestar has disappeared, and Princess Vespa is now Queen of Druidia.

Bring back Bill Pullman as Lone Star and Daphne Zuniga as Princess Vespa, who’s now Queen of Druidia.

with Sara Silverman as the new droid i-Mac7.

Cast Audrey Plaza as the daughter of Vespa and Lone Star. Plaza’s character is also looking for her father after the evil Spaceballs start attacking once again.

Plaza and i-Mac7 bump into Jay Pharoah’s character who is looking for Lone Star cause of the bounty on his head by Don Pappa-Jon. They both decide to team up and look for a pilot. that’s where we see Barf’s son Chunks played by Bobby Moynihan who’s a Pilot of the famous Winnebago.

Through their travels Plaza’s character starts sensing something, following leads they go to Planet Hollywood to meet with Yogurt. Who is now living off the merchandise from the first film, he then tells Plaza that she is strong with the Schwartz like her father.

As for the villains I would cast Charlie Day as the new Dark Helmet called Lord Silver Helmet, and the joke is that you make fun of his voice box and make it sound like a bad fast food voice box. So he has to open his helmet to be heard correctly. I would also cast Ben Schwartz, who was one of the voices of BB-8, as the Gen Hux type character. I’d make him a bit flamboyant also. Then of course you have to bring Mel Brooks back as the Supreme Leader Skroob who is now disfigured from a bad plastic surgery to seem younger.

You can have shameless cameos from Star Wars actors and other celebrities.

Hire Bobby Moynihan, Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney and Taran Killam, and Key & Peele to write the film.

I think if done well this could be the spoof movie that redeems the bad spoof movies we have been given.

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The worst movie of 2015 was…

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Vacation!
Yep that’s right, the unnecessary and unfunny sequel/reboot to the classic Vacation series.

I did not laugh one in this film, I’m sorry I did laugh when Chevy Chase was on screen…for less then 10 mins.

Ed Helms is awful in the role of Rusty Griswold. He works great as a side character like in the Hangover, but he’s not a main lead comedian. Nothing he does in this film even came close to what Chase did in the other films.

Christina Applegate was a waste of a talented comedic actress. She was the strait-actor to Helms idiot character. Beverly D’Angelo did better in the wife character role, and has aged better then Chase.

The kids in this film are the WORST characters in this film. The older brother is not funny at all and really just a sad character. Then the little brother was written so poorly, he was mean and vulgar for the sake of being just that. There is a seen where the whole family is singing and the little brother just calls his brother something vulgar for no reason…I don’t remember what it was cause I’ve blocked most of this film out of my brain.

There’s also these two subplots that re introduced that go nowhere. One has to do with a rival pilot played by…ugh WHY did this actor sign on to do this movie! Ron Livingston of Office Space and Band of Brothers…Ron how did they drag you into this film? So in the beginning of the film we see this one-shot scene where I guess the Helms and Ron characters have some bitter rivalry. It’s never mention again till the end of the film, and even then it sort of just begins and ends like in 2 seconds.

The other useless subplot is the other brother’s love interest. She pops up here and there through out the film, its cute scenes but it has no pay off. I thought they were going to have it where she was the daughter of Ron Livingston…nope her character was just some random girl.

Then we get our 2nd…no 5th Handed Cousin Eddie family with Thor and Leslie Mann. Leslie Mann plays the same character she always plays in comedy films…so not funny. Thor is your new Cousin Eddie, he lives in Plano, Texas. Being from the area I can say that’s no where in Plano, Texas I’ve ever seen. And of course he plays it was the stereotypical Texan, with movie cowboy shirts, has long horn on his ranch house property, and everything looks like the inside of a Cavenders store. If you don’t know what that is, google it. He’s not funny in the slightest, and the big dick joke falls flat…”pun”. It makes me worried for his performance in the upcoming Ghost Busters reboot. Actually this whole film makes me worried for that film!

Looking back there is one scene besides the Chevy Chase scenes that made me giggle. This one has to do with the cameo by Daryl Dixon himself. Watch and see if you giggle a bit.

In conclusion I’ll say this, go watch the original films and skip this piece of garbage that spit on the memory of Harold Ramis and John Hughes.

My Favorite Films of 2015

  1. CREED: Now let me go on recorded and say that the only Rock film I’v seen (partly) was Rocky Balboa. That being said I was excited to see CREED. The cast and director/writer were good, and this was the first “Rocky” film that Stallone did not write. Which is huge because he created this universe, so he know’s them better then anyone else. So when award winning writer/director Ryan Coogler decided to create this story, he’s biggest hurdle was Stallone. However when Stallone heard him out and saw what he wanted to do with these characters he gave the OK! From that we got this obvious Academy Award Nominated film called CREED. The story of the bastard son of Apollo Creed, who has the fighting spirit in him as well. So he is raised by Apollo’s widow, who does not want him to follow in his fathers footsteps. Well that does little to stop Adonis from quitting his job and going to find his fathers formal rival Rocky to help him train. As the film goes along we see this unlikely father-son relationship between Rocky and Adonis. Rocky as the ageing fighter who’s wife and brother-in-law have died, and his son who has moved away to Canada. Now as we saw in Balboa, Rocky and his son  do not have the best relationship. Adonis never knew his father, so meeting Rocky is like meeting a figure like his father. Rocky then gets to train Adonis, much like how he wanted to train his own son. What I’m about to say may seem crazy but, Stallone is a good actor. Watch Copland and you will see how he’s more then Rambo 4. If he does not get nominated for an Academy Award PROTEST IN THE STREET! He is terrific in the film! So not to give the whole film away, this does have some simulates to the original Rocky film, but it also has some new elements that helps creates a new universe in this franchise.
  2. Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens: I waited 2 years for this movie to come out, I would read rumors, talk with friends about what the story could be, and I got a ticket to a movie just to see the Star Wars teaser on the big screen. Now I’m not one of those super fans of the franchise, I do own all the films and the Holiday Special on DVD, but when it comes to the books not being “canon” anymore does not bother me. I had a conversation with a 5O1st member about this and he agreed, why would you want movies fully based on the novels? Non of it would be a surprise, it would take some of the fun out of Star Wars. If I had to rank this film with all the other ones it would be #3. Empire Strikes Back as #1, and A New Hope #2. To read more about what I thought about the film click HERE to read my spoiler review.
  3. ANT-MAN: Again if you want to read my full review on this film go HERE to read my Spoiler Rant. To summarize my thoughts on the film I would but this high on my list of one of the best MARVEL movies to date. The film was so funny, and you can still see how some of the elements of a Edgar Wright style in the finish film, but Paul Rudd was perfect casting! Such a breath of fresh air from all the dark, dramatic stories that we have been getting from the MCU. I put this film above my number 4 pick because I knew nothing about this character or the story and I was blown away by the cast and script. I don’t know how the sequel may turn out, the MCU has a bad streak when it comes the the sequels, minus The Winter Soldier. If you have not seen Ant-Man go rent it, and if you have a 3D disc player watch it in 3D!
  4. Jurassic World: Jurassic Park was the first movie I saw in theaters as a child. It’s still one of my top favorite films, its sequels how ever are another story. Now I did own the 3D board game of The Lost World, and had some of the toys. I saw the 3rd film in theaters and walking out I knew that I had just seen one of the worst movies ever made. So when it was released that a new sequel to the franchise was getting made, I was interested to see what they were going to do. I liked the director and the writer, they did one of my favorite indie films “Safety Not Guaranteed”. The film was good and a lot of fun, but it was CGI heavy, where the original had a least a real door to the opening of the park. Also not all the Dinosaurs in the original film was not completely CGI, this film was fun but lacked the aww-ness the original film had. That being said, THE ENDING SCENE WAS AWESOME!!! I own this film on bluray-3D and I’ll be watching it again!
  5. Entourage: OHH YEAHHHH, OHH YEAHHH! This is not one of the best films of the year, but after being a fan of the series and getting short-sheeted by the series finally this film was a the ending I wanted! It had all the classic elements of the Entourage series, BABY BRO!, HUGS, HOUSE PARTIES, LLOYD!, SEX-DRUGS-AND CAMEOS! I loved every part of this film, if you’re looking for a plot…Vinny and the Boys are making a movie, but Vinny may have problems with the movie, so Arie comes in to help Vinny with the movie, meanwhile E and his GF are having peoblems, Turtle has women issues, and Drama is trying to get a job. That pretty much sums it up…and I LOVE IT! OHHH YEAHHH, OHHH YEAHHH!
  6. Specter: Bond is back and its remaking all the characters from the Connery era! We have Q, the old man M, Moneypenny, the 63′ Aston Martin, and now Blofeld is back! They cast Christopher Waltz as Blofeld and its the perfect casting, now they so make him Bond’s sudo-brother. The plot is a bit confusing and I felt they really underused Blowfeld and Bautista’s Mr. Hinx, I hope they at least bring back Bautista, his fate is left unknown in the film. Also his character comes out of nowhere and is never mentioned by name. Its hard to beat Skyfall, and Sam Mendes did return in the director chair, but where the action excelled in the story aspect was lacking.
  7. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation: The only other Mission Impossible I’ve seen before this was the first film, and I did’t like it. So compared to that film, this film was way more fun and enjoyable.
  8. Furious 7: Again walking into this film I had not seen any of the films in the franchise. Since seeing the film I watch the first two films and to compare this to those is not fair cause its nothing close to what they did back in the yearly 2000’s. The first film in the franchise was OK, the sequel was a better story in my opinion. The NOS was a huge factor in both films and it was more about the cars. Now its more about the action, much like Mission Impossible. The reason I have this one listed here is because Mission Impossible got me more interested in a franchise I knew nothing about.
  9. Pitch Perfect 2: Saw this film with my fiancee and yes its silly and dumb, but it made me laugh and dare I say it pulled at my heart-strings with the Boomer and Fat Amy scenes. Also I thought the villains were fun in this film, the original film didn’t really have a “bad guys” so to see them face a group that really is nasty was nice. Best supporting actor in the film was the cameos of Keegan-Michael Key, his comedy is golden and always makes me laugh. Elizabeth Banks is a great diverse actress and does a good job taking over the director chair. I’m interested to see what they do with the third film.
  10. Avengers: Age of Ultron: So you maybe wondering why I have this list so low on my list, its because I was really not blown away by this sequel. Coming off Winter Soldier this was a really plain sequel that only serve to spin off the other films in this series. Also its the same plot as the first film, which films seem to be doing a lot lately. The best part in the film is the Hulk vs. The Hulk Buster, its full of action and funny lines. Ultron is an eh villain, Loki did it better in my opinion. Also I felt they sort of forced the whole Infinity Stones stuff in the film, Thor comes in and explains it all in one sentence and that’s it. We also got to see where Black Panther lives, to set up that film franchise. You can tell Joss Whedon creativity was limited in this film, he really made his own film with the first Avengers. That could be because the films that came before it really were there own standalone stories leading to the Avengers film. With the sequel it sort of just set up the story plots of the next few films.
  11. The Ridicules 6: Oh boy, now Adam Sandler is not comedy god and his films are not comedy gold. That being said, this film was far better then Pixels. Was it a good film, oh no, but it had moments that made me laugh. To read more about my thoughts on the film click HERE.

Now I want to say that I didn’t see every film of 2015, and I still have Ex-Machina on bluray to watch, so once I watch it I’ll add it to ether my fav or hated list.